Planning to Fail
...what happens when you do, and the opportunity within
“So I’ll just fail the last deadlift.”
One of my athletes was thinking out loud about the prospect of the upcoming deadlift ladder event at the strong(wo)man competition that 6 of us were signed up for.
It’s been a whirlwind since we competed together this past Saturday at Newcastle Chaos V, and I have more to say about this experience, but this one seemingly small experience highlighted something really potent for me.
The deadlift event was three bars of increasing weight, lifted consecutively, as fast as possible. The third bar in the medley was ten lbs heavier than this athlete’s current personal record (PR).
My athlete was planning to fail. I’ve seen it many times. Anticipate failure, so that the self is not threatened. Plan to fail so that the sting of disappointment isn’t as bad.
But that’s not ever how it actually works. When you plan to fail, and do so, it actually hurts way worse than trying, believing you can, and failing. And I know that for a fact because I have guided myself through that process countless times, as well as others.
When you hedge your bets, and then fail, the small, scared part of you that is desperately trying to defend the status quo breathes a small sigh of relief, but you shrink, and sink in on yourself.
You attempt less next time, or worse, you eventually stop trying.
It’s soul rotting. Soul rot is when we act with a fear bias and slowly kill off the essential parts of us that are craving expression, life, and love.
If you find yourself with the opportunity to fail, trust that you have actually just encountered a moment of sublime potential, transformation and real power.
The opposite of soul rot is soul growth.
The stakes of every choice can amount to how we are relating to our own deepest self, and enacting what we truly desire for ourselves.
Sometimes fear will dominate, it’s natural, and understandable. But do not underestimate the terrible consequences of a chronic pattern of allowing it to call the shots, and the incredible consequences of lovingly meeting it, sitting it down, and telling it to shut the fuck up, the adults are playing right now.
So, what if you really try, and still fail? How do you feel then?
Well, you already know that, because I’m sure you’ve done it: The animal in your belly is still hungry for the hunt, but it clocks the details, adjusts, and begins to prepare to try again. It is an inherently energizing, vitalizing experience, even if we haven’t learned to relate to it positively yet.
And my athlete?
I told them something along these lines in training when this came up: entertain that you actually don’t know what will happen. What would it be like to simply stay curious about the potential outcomes, and to assume that if you do your best, something different than you expect might happen?
Well, that’s exactly what they did. I can’t speak to the deep interior of what they felt, but they really, really tried. And succeeded by every metric.
They successfully lifted the weight and set a new personal record (I was probably more excited than if I had hit a PR).
This is a process I never tire of: guiding people into experiences where they can practice being powerful, curious, and courageous. We succeed at this most triumphantly when we do it in connection and community. I’m very grateful to my athletes for their trust and mutual support; I experience our individual victories as an expression of our collective power. I am at my strongest when my people are alongside me.
Being part of this process is an honor and privilege and something I have earned access to as a teacher because I have submitted myself to it so many times. If there is one thing I ardently believe in as a coach, it is that I have to walk the walk, and I can’t ask people to take risks that I am not willing to take myself. My coaching M.O. is lead from the front, with as much exuberance and puckish abandon as I can muster, because the truth is we are all scared sometimes, we all know the sting and vulnerability of courting failure…but it gets a lot less scary when we do it together and build each other up in the process.
My prompts for you today are to ask yourself in your daily life (and training if that applies to you) the following:
…where am I shrinking away from the opportunity to fail and expand?
Where am I leaning on the small scared voice as the arbiter of what happens?
Where am I feeling the call to push my own edges a little bit, and can I be curious about that process?
Can I drop any old story I might be carrying, just for a moment, and practice the openness of a child? (Did that prompt poke at something squishy and itchy and uncomfortable inside you?)
Can I meet the part of me that is scared with firm loving reassurance that I will support and love them no matter what and that it is safe to try?
With Strength and Joy,
Cara
If this attitude matches the cut of your jib, you should know that you have the opportunity to work with me in a very accessible, fun way, to enchant your life with movement and play.
Plus I’m giving myself the opportunity to reach more people by offering my first online coaching program.
It’s two months of biweekly coaching through live online seminars (with replays available) where I sound off on how to get strong, and give you physical and creative-magical tools to do so. I will walk you through movement principles and creative practices to help you integrate this knowledge as quickly and deeply as possible. My goal is for you to emerge at the end of January with practices of physicality and self-relationship that make you feel up to any opportunity or challenge that awaits you in the many realms of life.
All the details are here at my recent announcement post.
